21 minutes 5 years ago.

Contractions, a walk to Dunkin Donuts, a missionary staying at our house during his visit to the United States, getting Mother's day cards and gifts ready for all the Moms in our lives (4 to be exact), those were all things that had occurred in the couple of days before Reagan surprising came into world at 30 weeks when my water broke at 1:30 in the morning. I remember strongly trying to believe that my water had not broke and something was just different, but God had different plans that day. God gave me the one of most precious 21 minutes of spending my life by getting to spend it with Reagan when she was alive. 21 minutes that I will never forget. 21 minutes that will be with me for a life time. And then Jesus gave me one of the most significant cherished memories ever, Him on His knees with wide stretched arms welcoming Reagan and then wrapping His arms around her. Reagan was welcomed into His heavenly kingdom.

Reagan Marie Teddy Bear Fund

This past May my husband came up with a great idea. He said, "What if every mom that lost a baby was able to take a bear home with them, so that their arms would not be empty."
At first I thought the idea was far fetched, but then I thought, what if it was possible, think how many lives would be touched, how many hearts would feel some comfort during a time filled with such grief.
Many helping hands have made my husbands idea come true. Within the next few weeks, teddy bears will arrive at Northside Hospital perinatal loss office. Each mom that has a precious baby pass away will receive a bear with a note attached telling a bit of our story and a word of encouragement. I know how much it meant to me to hold onto my bear when I left the hospital and I pray that each Mom that leaves the hospital will have some comfort and some hope.
To read more about the Reagan Marie Teddy Bear Fund please visit the following link.

http://www.northsidepnl.com/reagan-marie-teddy-bear-fund.html

To help Moms experiencing a loss of their precious baby please consider a donation to the Reagan Marie Teddy Bear Fund.

https://www2.northside.com/donations/donate.aspx

Thank you and may God bless you.

A Loss is a Loss...

A loss is a loss...

I recently read this in a grief newsletter and I agree with the statement. I also agree that each loss is different to each person. My husband and I grieve differently over the loss of our daughter. How our family and friends grieve over the loss of their; granddaughter, niece, goddaughter, second cousin, friend, varies too. I think back to many years ago when a couple of friends of mine had miscarriages, I certainly didn't respond probably how I should have. I think about that often wondering why I didn't. Now that I've experienced loss myself my reaction to the loss of a baby is much different. I know the heartache, the pain, the hopelessness.

I belong to an online baby loss support group and one topic that is routinely brought up is how friends and family treat the loss. How after some time, it could be days, weeks or months that the baby's name isn't even mentioned or the grieving parents are not asked how they are really doing. Resentment and bitterness sometimes sets in and what once was thought of as a great friendship goes by the wayside. Imagine the resentment, bitterness and heartache that is formed when someone says something that is hurtful regarding the baby you lost. 95% of moms in my support group have lost at least one good friendship over the loss of their child, myself included.

100% of the moms in my group love to talk about their baby or even to be asked about their baby. I don't know of a mom who doesn't want their baby's life to seem important, whether that baby is living here on earth or in heaven. I will honor my daughters life any way I can. Even those who may not understand it should respect it and not question it. Reagan was and will always be my firstborn. Because of Reagan's life I became a Mom and Bob became a Dad. She started our "family" and now Nathan has added to it.

Anniversary times have become days of special remembrance, the day we found out we were pregnant, the day we found out we were having a little girl, that same day we found out she had some health issues, the day that confirmed those health issues, the day she was born, the day she died, the day of her funeral, and day that was her original due date. These aren't dates that pop up in my calendar these are dates that my heart remembers. My heart remembers the joy, the excitement, the pain, the anticipation, the sadness, the grief, the hope.
I'm sure any woman that has lost a child has felt these feelings, regardless if the child was miscarried, born still, lived a short time like our Reagan Marie or lived for years. I know each of us, who are in Christ, are anxious to rejoice with our child in heaven.

Our Reagan Marie-May 4, 2010 10:03 AM

How I miss you! How I long to relive the day you were born. As much pain as there was watching you die, the joy was greater knowing you passed from my arms into the arms of Jesus. My sweet girl you were so tiny, yet filled my arms. Your cute nose and lips so precious. Your hair, brown and wavy, how I love to look at the piece we trimmed to keep, so short that a piece of tape holds it together. Oh and when I think of your feet, I wish I could hold them and kiss them. How fun it was to paint them, to then stamp your footprint in a book and on an ornament. To see your footprints now is just another precious reminder of how much you are in our hearts.

We are looking forward to celebrating your life tomorrow, what would be your first birthday. To think you have been rejoicing in heaven for a year. How glorious must that be!

Our sweet Reagan Marie, Happy Birthday! May you be worshiping while we give praise to the King for such a blessed gift He gave to your Daddy and me. You are forever in our hearts!

We love you!
Mommy and Daddy

Christmas Day

Merry Christmas to our sweet Reagan Marie. How we miss you! Enjoy spending your first Christmas with the King. Love, your Mommy and Daddy

Poem-Christmas in Heaven by Wanda Bencke

I see the countless Christmas trees
Around the world below,
With tiny lights like heaven's stars
Reflecting in the snow.

The sight is so spectacular
please wipe away that tear
for I am spending CHRISTMAS
WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.

I hear the many Christmas songs
that people hold so dear
but the sound of music can't compare
with the CHRISTMAS CHOIR up here.

I have no words to tell you
of the JOY their voices bring
for it is beyond description
to HEAR THE ANGELS SING.

I know how much you miss me
I see the pain inside your heart
for I am spending CHRISTMAS
WITH JESUS CHRIST this year.

I can't tell you of the SPLENDOR
or the PEACE here in this place
Can you just imagine CHRISTMAS
WITH OUR SAVIOR face to face

I'll ask him to lift your spirit
as I tell him of your love
so then PRAY FOR ONE ANOTHER
as you lift your eyes above.

Please let your hearts be joyful
and let your spirit sing
for I am spending CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN
and I’m walking WITH THE KING.

Another blessing-Reagan is going to be a big sister!

This announcement maybe a little overdue, since I am now almost 17 weeks along in my second pregnancy. In the third week of September we found out that God had blessed us with another baby. I can't tell you how much joy this has brought us. Joy, along with a bit of anxiety of our rainbow baby. For those of you that don't know a rainbow baby is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.
We've covered some great milestones, making it out of the 1st trimester, getting great results on ultrasounds and tests. However, I know that passing those milestones, doesn't mean that I am bringing a baby home. There is a multitude of things that could go wrong between now and then. I feel especially blessed that I have not had too much anxiety of that possibility. Sadly, I know it is possible because I know of a couple of brokenhearted mamas that have lost several babies. So when you see me, please don't tell that God is going to let me bring this baby home. Only God knows that answer. We appreciate your prayers for our little one due June 1, 2011.