Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The time in between

Many friends have commented on the fact that I have not posted for awhile. It's not that I don't think of posting. I think of things that I would like to blog about, but I just haven't had the energy. Sure I may walk 4 miles in a day, but to gather my thoughts, write them down and have my heart feel like it's been ripped apart once more is more than I could take right now. Writing has been healing for me and part of me has missed it. The other part of me just doesn't feel having my insides be so raw. I think of Reagan everyday; how it must be like in heaven, what it's like praising God and being filled with joy. I also think about how it would be with her in my arms, how my arms fill so empty, how my heart still hurts so much and how it is learning to live with the pain. This is my new normal.

A month ago today, we said goodbye to our cat Saboo. I had Saboo for almost 13 years. She had been through a lot; five moves, a divorce, two long periods of time when I was in Europe on holiday, a marriage, having to live with a dog (sure Philo is friendly, but he is still a dog), and battling Chronic Renal Failure (kidney disease). Several months back during one of our many trips to the vet, I learned that if I wanted to prolong Saboo's life she would need to receive Sub-Q fluids. This meant that I would either need to bring her into the vet three times a week or learn how to give her the fluids myself. Knowing Saboo's attitude, I didn't think the fluid procedure would go well. I thought she would became a recluse and never come out from under the bed except to take care of business and to eat. Bob and I said lots of prayers and they were answered. It sometimes took some trickery to get a hold of Saboo to give her the fluids, but we managed to do fairly well. I was very thankful.

After Reagan passed, Saboo was quite the companion. She was a true comfort and a great to snuggle with during my many naps. God has great timing and I am thankful that I had Saboo to grieve with. Another friend of mine, also had to put their pet down after losing their child. It's hard to explain the heartache that you feel. Obviously, losing a child is much different than a pet, but it brings the heartache to a whole new fresh level. Feeling the hurt and raw emotions all over again. I wasn't prepared for it. God grace washed over me the days following Saboo's death. I was shocked to see that it had been a month since she passed. I knew she lived a good life and it was her time. A concept I am a little too familiar with.

Thanks for your patience and your prayers.