Thursday, April 22, 2010

Feeling the life within me

A few weeks after Reagan was diagnosed, one of my prayers was that Bob would be able to feel her kick, really kick. Reagan is usually really active around my bed time and around 3am. Two time frames that probably aren't the best to get a loving spouse to patiently wait for the next kick. Well, things have changed in the past couple of weeks, Reagan will kick or move upon hearing Bob's voice (when he talking to my belly) and several times throughout the day. Kicking enough that Bob only has to wait a few seconds and pow! It's such a blessing to see the smile on his face and the look in his eyes to feel his daughter connecting with him. Thank you God for these wonderful blessings!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Is it too much to ask?

From the outside appearance, I look like the average third trimester pregnant lady. I get the questions of when are you due, what are you having? Other moms, who I don't know, saying "oh, you have prom to look forward to and her wedding." It's really hard to just to keep smiling and say yes, that will be great. Some days I just don't have the energy to tell them that I will be lucky if my little girl makes it to term or how over the top I will feel if I get to take her home. I haven't even given it a thought about Reagan going to prom or getting married, my thoughts are just about her making it one more day. Although they don't know of Reagan's diagnosis, I must say it's nice that women share in the excitement of a woman being pregnant.
What's not so nice is when you go your regular OB doctors office and meet a new doctor and for some reason they haven't bothered to look at your chart, so they have no idea that our daughter has a fatal diagnosis. So they go along with the usual heart rate check (where hearing her heart beat is music to my ears and I that I am so fearful of the day that I don't hear it) along with measurement of my growing tummy (where I am normal according to the chart, but since the Doctor hasn't read my chart she doesn't realize that Reagan is two weeks behind in growth and that I am on the high side of normal for excess amniotic fluid). So for this Dr. everything seems great until I ask her if she has read my chart and if she is aware of Reagan having Trisomy 18. No, she answers. I then proceed to inform her what she should have already read.
Going to the doctors office is one place that I feel like I shouldn't have to explain everything over and over. It should be a safe place, a place where I don't have to pretend that everything is great. They should realize how hard it is to sit in a room full of pregnant women who are busy planning their child's nursery. They should know that I am not having a tough time choosing which shade of pink to decorate the nursery but instead choosing which dress I would want Reagan to wear for her funeral.
I am not asking them for sympathy, I am simply asking them to know my medical history, our daughter's diagnosis and to have a bit of compassion to what we are going through. Is that too much to ask?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Maternity Photos

Some of our maternity photos are on Oana's blog. Wow, not only does she have extreme talent, she's a joy to work with. If you are in need of an updated family photo, give her a call.

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Lastest Doctor's Apt.

Time flies, already I am 28 weeks pregnant and several weeks have past since I have posted anything. I realized two days ago that I have just been wanting everything to be "fine" and that my "fine" may just be of a different reality and that God will prepare me for it.
Our last doctor's visit was April 8, to see Dr. Trevett the perinatal specialist. It's always so special to see Reagan moving on the u/s screen. Our little girl just dances around. Although that might a bit frustrating for the tech to be able get accurate readings, it's a blessing that she is so active. Reagan is growing, so is mommy. If you haven't seen me in a while, then you will be quite surprised how I have grown. Part of that is due to that I am on the high side of normal for amniotic fluid. A common side effect from Trisomy 18. So we are praying that I stay within normal ranges and/or that having extra fluid doesn't cause any issues (pre-term labor). Draining the excess fluid would be too risky for Reagan and me.
I am constantly amazed at medical technology and how they are able to get an approximately weight for Reagan. She is weighing in at 1 lb and 10 oz. She is growing which is a blessing.
Starting at 30 weeks we will start to visit the dr. every week, some weeks for ultrasounds and other weeks for regular check ups. I passed the glucose test, so I can have donuts for breakfast. YEAH! Thinking that will only happen about once a month, if that. Besides Krisy Kreme is 17 minutes from my house.